I Hate Sping

Yes, yes I know it's been a long-ass time since my last post.  Believe me I have A TON of things to bitch about, and by "things" I mean people.  Unfortunately most of these people are still in my life, so I am not yet free to talk shit about them on here.  Believe-you-me when I finally get out of this godforsaken shithole I will have plenty to say about them.  But for the time being, let me tell you about my least favorite season.

Spring. I hate spring. Spring is the worst fucking season. Of all four seasons, spring is the one I cannot stand. Allow me to elaborate:

Everyone is fucking happy.  What is it about fucking spring that makes people so goddamn happy??  It's like all of a sudden everyone goes from Grumpy Cat to Dora the Explorer on crack.  It's the worst.  At least during the summer, the heat becomes so unbearable that even the happiest of people become uncomfortable and are driven indoors.  My favorite season is winter, precisely because the cold and the snow keeps people indoors and suppresses their annoying happiness.  When other people are miserable, I feel better about my own misery.

It's warm.  And as if being warm wasn't bad enough, the administration doesn't understand that when it's not 20 fucking degrees outside you don't need to run the heat at full blast.  It's warm outside and it's like a fucking sauna in every classroom.  At least during the summer they have the decency to turn on the A/C.

It's humid.  As if being deprived of A/C wasn't already miserable enough, it's also 80% humidity.  Be prepared for your shirt to stick to the back of the seat in all the classrooms.  You're gonna need a spare deodorant in your bookbag.  #FuckingGross

Everything happening on campus - Alumni Weekend, Homecoming, Spring Fair, Graduation, etc.  Adding to everyone's general happiness are a million goddamn events specifically designed to draw out the happy socialites.  And these events draw happy people not just from the dorms, but from far and wide.  As if the influx of happy people wasn't already awful, they take up ALL the parking around campus.  I challenge you to find a parking place on or near campus during any of these events - if you succeed I will personally deliver you a gold star commending your incredible achievement.

The kids who pretend to be homeless.  Even when there isn't an event happening (which is never), all these happy people LOITER on the goddamn quads.  And the administration encourages it by placing those hideous cheap colorful chairs all over the goddamn place.  One of the most beautiful things about winter is that you can walk around campus and you're usually completely alone.  It's peaceful and serene that way.  In the spring our campus becomes a certifiable human zoo.

Spring Break.  You would think having a break would be a good thing, no?  Spring Break is awful.  It's not really a break because every professor I've ever had still assigns a metric shit-ton of work to be completed over it.  And then to add insult to injury, you get to see all the photos on Facebook of the privileged kids who have thousands of dollars to piss away on a vacation trip to some exotic island where they get to show off their scantily-clad perfect bodies on the beach.  Maybe I'm jelly.  No that would be a lie, I am definitely jelly.  And that's just fine because it gives me yet another thing to bitch about.

Now I know you're thinking that I'm simply a horrible misanthropic Scrooge who is impossible to please - and you would be right.  However, there is always a silver lining...  McDonald's usually runs a special on the Filet-O-Fish during Lent.  I sincerely thank God for giving me at least one good reason to live through spring.