Subway Idiot

So being as there is essentially nowhere else to get food around here at 11 PM, I went to Subway for dinner tonight.  I tell the guy I want the footlong Italian Herb and Cheese bread (if you don't get the IH&C bread you are the definition of a basic bitch).  He pulls one out of the oven and it's essentially ripped in half.  I'm like "can you give me one that's not falling apart?"  That was an exercise in futility as the workers in Subway understand English about as well as I understand Quantum Physics...

Next I tell him I want the Italian BMT (which is the $5 footlong this month, I'm telling you get on that shit it's fucking delicious).  Then he goes and puts it in the oven without even asking me if I wanted it toasted.  I said "No I don't want it toasted", but he didn't pay attention to me.  He starts pressing the buttons on the oven and I literally had to go Madea on this bitch like "I SAID NOT TOASTED!!!"  By some act of Divine intervention he actually listened to me and took my sammich out of the damn oven.

Now here comes the most difficult part.  After the lettuce and tomatoes and shit I tell him "Mayo".  He gives me the teeniest little twig bitch squirt of mayo you've ever seen.  I'm like "can I please have a little more mayo?"  He then unloads 6 fucking gallons of mayonnaise on my sub.  LIKE REALLY.  I said "a little more" you bastard!

Finally, in the last act of disrespect, he gives me 1 single napkin.  Like dude, with all the fucking mayo you put on my sub I'm basically gonna need a goddamn industrial clean-up crew afterwards, and you only give me one fucking napkin??  What is the deal with napkins at Subway?  They don't have any napkins for you to take yourself, and when you ask for extra they act like the napkins are worth their weight in gold!