So I just realized, my first actual rant was titled "The New Professor Buttface". But who is the Original Professor Buttface? The man? The myth? The legend? The Real Professor Buttface. He was my Linear Algebra professor when I attempted to take the course last Spring.
How does one get the infamous title of Professor Buttface? Well in his case, by being an arrogant jerk who took himself way too fucking seriously. Allow me to elaborate. This guy had never taught a course before. He wasn't even really a professor, he was one of those graduate students who just don't know how to quit. You see, after someone has been an actual professor for a while, they stop giving very many fucks. After years of trying to get students to care, they all eventually realize that most of the students don't care, and trying to force them to care by implementing medieval rules won't change anything other than the negativity of the course evaluations at the end of the semester. This guy was fresh and obviously far away from reaching that inevitable realization. So he expected all 200 kids in his class to really truly care. It's funny how new professors think that since we're Hopkins students we care and apply ourselves fully to every single thing we do. In reality, probably about 195 of the 200 kids in that class were only there because it's a degree requirement or a pre-requisite for a class they actually want to take. So to his disbelief, 97.5% of the kids there did not care. I was part of the majority.
So that's the background story. My actually beef with him began on the first lecture, when I couldn't understand anything he said because he had a thick accent, and making matters worse I couldn't understand anything he wrote on the chalkboard because his handwriting rivaled that of a baboon's. After the first two weeks of class, I realized going to lecture wasn't going to help me much since I understood virtually nothing he said/wrote. Our homework assignments were due on Fridays, so on the third Friday of the semester I took the liberty to get an extra hour of sleep, because I had already completed the homework the night before. I decided I would just show up at the end of lecture to turn my homework in.
So when I showed up at 11:49 to turn in my homework at the end of lecture, I walked in and proceeded to put it in the collection folder. Professor Buttface comes over to me and says "What are you doing?" Startled, I looked at him and said "I'm turning in my homework..." He says "But you just came in, you weren't in lecture!" I reply "right..." He's like "You can't do that! It's disrespectful to me and it's not fair to the other students who turned theirs in at the beginning of lecture!" I literally had to take a moment to realize holy shit this bastard is serious, he's actually going to give me grief about this. So I tell him "I did the homework last night, I was sleeping this morning." Now of course that wasn't the most diplomatic thing I could have said, but like come on this asshole is waterboarding me before noon. Like I have zero tolerance for this kind of fuckery. Meanwhile he's looking at me like I just murdered a puppy. I continue, "If it makes you feel better I can email you my completed homework before 11 am so you know I didn't have any advantage over anyone else." He raises his voice "But you can't just not come to lecture!!" At which point I began to walk away. In a final fit of desperation he exclaims "I will accept your homework today, but if you do this again I will not accept it and you will get zero credit!!" Like okay bitch you need to swerve. He legit said this to me like I should be ashamed of myself for committing such an atrocity against humanity and that I should be eternally grateful to his highness for granting me a pardon by accepting my homework this time. This guy's ego was more inflated than the fucking Hindenburg. I can't deal with people who take themselves that seriously when they don't deserve it.
Afterwards, my friend tried to convince me that I was the one who needed an ego check and that I should go apologize to him for disrespecting his self-anointed kingship. After three days of my friend's pleading, I finally caved in and humiliated myself by going to his office in an attempt to right my apparently egregious wrongdoing. As I expected, I left his office feeling no better about myself or him, so the following week I dropped the class, and fortunately I have never seen him since.
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